Bakura's first bike and bike lessons!
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: Bakura's eating fatty foods and ignores the healthy casserole. Ra calls him fat and is now depressed. Ryou decides to help him by giving him some bike lessons and a bike to help him lose weight without paying 30,000 on liposuction.


Bakura's first bike and bike lessons!

Bakura was sitting on the couch watching his favorite Saturday morning Boobah episodes. He flipped the channel when all the Boobah's said booooooobah! And changed it to the teletubbies.

"Bakura? What are you watching?" Ryou asked coming in.

Bakura chabged the channel quickly to a Spanish fighting talk show.

"Oye! ((Hey!)) Estupid mierda!((Stupid shit!)) Que te muera's!((Go and die!)) Estupido feo((Stupid ugly!))! Ahh!" The lady screamed.

"Oye!((Hey)) Tu sabes que me quietres porque tienes que gritar?((You know you love me. Why do you have to scream?)) Dame un beso muah muah mauh." ((Give me a kiss)) The man said.

"Ve te par carajo!"((Go to hell!)) The lady screamed punching him.

"Ahora lo empesaste!"((Now you started it!)) The guy screamed hitting her too.

"Crazy Cubans." Bakura said.

"Bakura…why are you watching Spanish people fight?" Ryou asked.

"Shh! Shh! He's telling her he'd give her one million dollars." Bakura said shushing him.

Bakura dug into his bag of chips, brownies, gummy worms and all those yummy fattening treats.

Ryou saw on the corner of the couch…a casserole. "Make him at me!" The casserole screamed at Ryou.

"Shut up!" Bakura screamed.

"But I—

"I said shut up! You little bitchy ass casserole or it's your life!" Bakura screamed pointing a gum at the box.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Have mercy!" The casserole cried.

Ryou stared at his Yami in confusion. "You're so stupid. Talking food. Idiot." He said walking away.

Bakura changed a channel to a bike commercial.

"Are you tired of walking?" The guy said on the TV.

"Try getting a piggy back ride on Ryou. Dude he's like an old guy disobeying the speed limit and going 15 miles per hour on the highway." Bakura said.

"Tired of piggy back riding on your friend?" The guy asked.

"Are you listening to me? Can you hear me? Hello? Um…I want a double cheeseburger and fries make them chili fries with cheese! Did you get that?" Bakura said.

"Yes and I'm not a fast food restaurant. Want to get somewhere faster than 15 miles per hour?" The guy asked.

"Yes!" Bakura said inching closer to the TV.

"Then purchase this bike!" The guy said showing him a red bike.

"A bike?" Bakura said in confusion.

"A bike." The guy said again.

"A bike…red?" Bakura said.

"A red bike." The guy said.

"What's a bike?" Bakura asked.

"A bike is a wheelie thingy you ride. You buy it from us we rip you off and you lave happily." The guy said.

"Sounds good." Bakura said drooling.

"Hey. Hey! I'm on TV!" Marik said when he entered the bike store and saw the camera. He punched the bike seller and grabbed his microphone.

"I dedicate this song…to Bakura whom I know is watching this commercial because he loves me!" Marik said.

He cleared his throat for 5 minutes.

"Oh! I wanna be your naughty girl! Your superstar naughty girl! I just wanna—

Bakura started screaming and saw the germs cover the camera lens.

"We…know…where…you…live…we will get you. Bwahahahahaha!" The German germs screamed. They pulled a picture of jeeper's creeper.

"Your bubble will be no more. We have discovered the ways of the bubble through much training and many deaths. We will get you and infect you!" The German germs screamed laughing evilly.

Bakura struggled to turn the TV off.

"One two we're coming for you

Three four your bubbles no more

Um...what comes after four….

36 we'll pop it with sticks

42 we'll go into your veins and kill you!"

"Dude that sucked! You gotta get your rhyming straight man! That sucked big ass. I'm ashamed to call you my fucking brother." A German germ said.

"Like you could do any better!" The German germ that sang the rhythm asked.

"Hell a lot better than you could gay ass. 42 we'll go in your veins and kill you. What the fuck man! Get out of my face." The German germ said flying away slowly.

"Once you leave you can't come back!" The German germ said.

"Later." The German germ said flying off.

"I'm telling mommy!" The German germ cried.

Bakura shut the TV off with the bat and the computer and the microwave and the oven and all of Ryou's expensive home appliances.

"Hmm. I feel like using the microwave. I hope it's still there so I can heat up my spaghetti!" Ryou said happily skipping out to the living room. "Oh my, my microwave is gone…WHY DOES THAT NOT SURPRISE ME!" Ryou screamed angrily watching Bakura clap his hands to the teletubbies tape recorder.

He stretched and Ryou ran up to him grabbing his stomach.

"Ow!" He cried.

"Someone's put on some pounds." Ryou said.

"It was the casseroles fault." Bakura said.

The brownies, chips, gummy worms, and all the other shit Bakura was eating whistled innocently.

"He's lying!" The casserole screamed.

"What did I say! Huh! What did I say! You're dead casserole! How do you like Frisbees? Ever had a dream about being one?" Bakura asked opening the balcony window.

"No! Please! Have mercy on me! I'm just a sweet little casserole with cheese and broccoli and chives and—

"Ew you sounds nasty to the trash!" Bakura screamed throwing it out the window.

"Ra, I don't ask for much, but…

"Shut the fuck up Bakura! You ask the most shit from me! I'm not doing anymore shit for you!" Ra screamed leaving him.

"Abandoned by my own god." Bakura said putting his head down low.

"Oh! And you're fat." Ra added.

Bakura cried. "Ryou! Am I fat!" Bakura cried.

Ryou looked at Bakura. He coughed. "Well….

Bakura looked at him sadly with big puppy eyes.

"Yes…yes you are." Ryou said.

"Bi-bi-bitch!" Bakura cried.

"I believe it's bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bitch!" Yugi said.

"Shut the fuck up you…you you…I'VE LOST MY WAYS OF INSULT!" Bakura cried.

"Oh! And what! Yea bo-o-o-oy! Can't do anything now? Huh? I'm Yugi. I'm Yugi. Sexy ass Yugi. Bakura's an ugly fast ass!" Yugi screamed.

Bakura cried and crawled in a corner with a fruit bowl.

"I hope you're happy." Ryou said folding his arms angrily.

"Yes, yes I am. I'm quiet content." Yugi said.

Ryou growled angrily and beat up Yugi.

"Ryou! How could you!" Yugi cried with a deformed face and body.

"By doing it now walk or I'll hurt you more!" Ryou screamed grabbing some casserole pies.

Yugi ran out.

"Oh Bakur-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!" Marik sang coming in.

"Keep him away! I'm too fat to move!" Bakura cried.

"Dude where's Bakura? Is he hiding through those skinny corners again?" Marik asked.

Bakura stood up.

"The Pillsbury dough boy!" Marik screamed happily.

"Oooh god." Ryou said slapping his forehead.

"You heard my song on the commercial? That was for you…baby." Marik said smiling at him.

"I hated it." Bakura said.

"Shut up Pillsbury dough boy impersonator!" Marik screamed. "The Pillsbury dough boy will be avenged!" He screamed again. "Ooh I forgot to tell you, this hit me across the head and I knew it was yours." He said calmly now.

He gaved Bakura the casserole box. "Blech!" Bakura said throwing it at Marik again.

"That's ok. It didn't hurt." Marik sad looking blankly into space like nothing just hit him straight in the face.

" I'll…I'll be in my room." Bakura said.

"Don't break the bed." Marik said laughing.

Bakura cried and ran thumping every time he would walk…run.

"Keep quiet up there you cat killers!" The girl from the bottom whose cat was killed because Bakura dropped the ceiling on it screamed.

"Shut up bitch!" Bakura screamed breaking the ceiling so it landed on her dog.

"Poofy!" The girl cried.

Ryou went into Bakura's room. The bed had broken in half.

"Bakura, we have to talk." Ryou said patting Bakura's side.

"Oh god! Oh god! Where's my hand! My hand! It's disappeared!" Ryou screamed with his hand stuck in Bakura's fat.

Bakura cried.

"Oh…sorry. Well…I know a way to get ride of your fat." Ryou said.

"Liposuction?" Bakura asked.

"No, those are for the lazy people." Ryou said.

"What the fuck do you think I am?" Bakura asked.

"Well… I know--you got a point there." Ryou said.

"Exactly." Bakura cried.

Ryou heaved Bakura out of bed. "Time to exercise." He said.

"Sounds yummy." Bakura said.

"It's not food. Idiot." Ryou said.

"Alright, the best way to exercise is…using a bike. A simple bike. Training wheels for you and me since I can't ride a bike." Ryou said.

Marik laughed hysterically. "Losers!" He said climbing on his bike and falling off too.

Ryou rolled his eyes.

Bakura looked at the bike and inspected it. He looked at himself in the mirrors and licked it for taste approval. He sat on the bike and broke it in half.

"I'm learning mommy!" He said happily.

Ryou gave Bakura his bike and put on training wheels. "Now, you pedal like this." Ryou said trying to pedal without being on the bike.

Bakura mimicked him and started riding on the bike. He tipped over into a bush.Lot's of ants and bugs went on him biting him. "Ahh!Ah! Get them off! Get them off!" He cried brushing himself quickly.

Ryou ran toBakura and sprayed him with his Anti sep Lysol water he beeged him to bring in case of emergencies.

Marik laughed. "Hahahaha!" He rode off a cliff.

Ryou put Bakura on the bike again and bandaged his cuts.

Bakura pedaled again and felt the wind in his hair.

"I'm riding! I'm riding!" He said happily.

Ryou had his hands on the seat and some magical dog came out of nowhere breathing in Bakura's face.

"Ok Bakura…I'm going to let you go." Ryou said.

Bakura sort of mastered the bike, but didn't know how to break.

He ran over Ryou 5 times going back and forth. "Damn speed bumps." He said.

Ryou was crippled on the floor sobbing. "The things I do for people and my results are never a success." He cried.

Marik climbed up from the cliff and got dropped by Bakura when he ran him over. "Yes!" Bakura screamed triumphantly.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Marik screamed hitting his head against the rock.

"He'll have brain damage for the rest of his life." Ryou sad.

"What brain?" Bakura asked going around his circles on the bike.

He rode down a hill and ate it dirty. Scrapping his face, knees ripping his clothes and losing some of his hair.

He cried for a really long time and went over to the fountain.

"Dude, who's that ugly guy?" Bakura asked looking at himself in a reflection.

"That's you, Bakura." Ryo said.

"Nah that's not me. I'm hotter than that." Bakura said trying to cover the bald spot on his head.

Marik finally got up from the cliff a second time and got on his bike wobbling.

"See I learned before Bakura." He said. _How do I brake again? Brakes? Brakes? I wonder…what my Yami's doing now? Or my sister. I'm missing Real world. I can't—_He slammed into the fountain ledge and fell in headfirst.

"Did you see that he was like drooling! Some landed on me! Ewwwwww!" Bakura screamed wiping his arm on Ryou.

Ryou glared at him.

The little Marik germs came out from Marik.

"We're back and we see you're unprotected! You're ours now! You will DIE!" The German germ said.

"Dude! What did I say about that! We just want him sick! Remember Jimmy man! Jimmy! Come on I can't lose you too!" A second germ said.

"Alright. Alright. I've got my cool back. Alright. Ooo, ooo, eee, eee." The German germ breathed.

"You'll never catch me!" Bakura screamed riding away quickly.

"Who…is he talking to?" Ryou asked himself limping to the fountain to get Marik out.

Bakura rode away with the germs behind him gaining speed.

Come on Bakura…if you stop now…they'll get you! Don't stop! Fight for your germless freedom. Especially Marik's germs! If I get touched there's no way of reversing the ugly spell!

"Come on troops! We're almost there!" The German germs screamed.

"You'll never catch me!" Bakura screamed.

People watched Bakura ride away from nothing.

"Huff! Puff! Huff! Puff!" Bakura said.

"And blow the house down!" Marik screamed laughing happily.

Ryou slapped him.

Bakura rode on and saw a speed bump.

"Shit!" He screamed.

He jumped in and went flying in the air…dramatically screaming.

"Ooooh a shooting Bakura star. Make a wish." Marik said closing his eyes and making a wish.

Bakura fell on top of Marik dragging him from the impact.

"That should've totally killed Marik." Ryou said.

Bakura got up and saw Marik squished underneath him.

"I…I killed Marik. I killed Marik! Yes!" Bakura creamed dancing around.

Marik got up like nothing happed and brushed off.

"Dude! He's immortal!" Bakura screamed pointing at Marik.

"All the times being hit on the head today! The cliff incident 2 times and he's not dead. The fountain and drowning and he's not dead. Now this! He's not dead! Why won't he fucking die!" Bakura screamed.

"Because I like to see you suffer!" Ra said.

"Damn you Ra!" Bakura screamed pointing up at the heavens.

At home….

Bakura modeled his new clothes for "skinny" people.

"I'm skinny again and it was all because of you Ryou." Bakura said patting Ryou's wheel chair.

"I knew bike riding wouldn't be safe for me…but at least you're happy." Ryou said.

"Who the fuck said I was happy! I'm skinny thank not ra!—Looks up and points at Ra angrily.—Now I don't have to be the replacement Pillsbury dough boy." Bakura said.

Ryou sighed.

Bakura kicked up in the air.

'I can lift up my legs and arms again and I don't have fat." He said.

He had kicked Ryou's wheel chair sending him out of the balcony window.

"Ryou's another immortal person. Chokes 20 times a day, falls and gets injured 30 times a day. It must be something going in the air." Bakura said sniffing the air.

"Why do you torture me! Don't you see I wanna be dead!" Ryou cried slamming his fists on the ground.


End file.
